The Casual Approach to Sexual and Domestic Violence
By Kristen Lucas
TW: This article discusses domestic and sexual violence.
In 2016, Judge Aaron Persky gave Brock Turner the lenient sentence of six months in prison for the sexual assault of an unconsciousness woman, justifying the decision with Turner’s positive character references and lack of criminal record. This in addition to the merciful media coverage on the case sparked outrage, with many pleading that his actions were not diminished due to his favourable qualities.
Lately, I’ve noticed a similar trend occur in a few of my social circles, where boys have had allegations of domestic or sexual abuse made against them. The people around them seem to be unalarmed, and if anything, dismissive. Their friends automatically conclude that it couldn’t have happened because the accused, in their eyes, is a “good guy”. This is particularly distressing, because these are the same people who condemned Judge Persky’s ruling as being too lenient.
Domestic and sexual violence are significant problems in Australia, but ones that aren’t spoken about enough. People feel uncomfortable discussing it, but its prevalence and nature should be confronting. The lack of education on these issues has led people to believe that these incidences are unlikely to happen in close proximity to them. When looking at the people you associate with socially it can be difficult to see them as capable of committing these acts. In reality, it can be that guy you sit next to in class, the bloke from your footy team, or the best friend you’ve had since primary school. People are complex, being liked and being a perpetrator of domestic and sexual assault aren’t mutually exclusive.
According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare 1 in 6 women will experience physical or sexual violence from either a current or previous partner that they have lived with, while the results from the 2012 Personal Safety survey show that 16% of women (aged 18 and older) will have had sexual offences committed against them by someone they know. These statistics show that the occurrence of these offences being committed by someone known to the victim is more prevalent than one might think. On top of this, the Australian Institute of Family Studies asserts that approximately 5% of rape accusations are untrue – a disproportionately low percentage given the high level of scepticism a number of women experience when making these assertions.
When allegations arise about someone you know it can be a difficult thing to process and negotiate. People try to justify or ignore claims made about people they have a personal stake with because the situation is too confronting to engage in. It is much easier to pretend it isn’t happening, or that it’s a complicated predicament that will go away. For victims, though the pain doesn’t disappear easily, it’s likely they still have to interact with this individual as if nothing happened. Victims are told “no one will believe you”, and by disregarding their claims, you prove this to be correct. If you chose to ignore or excuse a culprit’s actions you are complicit in their behaviour. You are allowing them to believe this is the correct way to act, and something they can get away with and do again.
By not engaging in these situations, we allow perpetrators to escape responsibility for these actions. In Australia, accountability on these incidents is poor and needs improvement. According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, only 11.9% of defendants in 2008 and 2009 were convicted of sexual offences when they plead not guilty, while the Women’s Centre for Health Matters claims domestic violence often goes unreported. We can help improve this by holding preparators responsible and calling them out on a smaller scale. Accountability doesn’t always mean going through the justice system, that is at the discretion of the victim. Victims may not be comfortable or interested in that process, and that is ok. Holding a person responsible can be acknowledgement that this act occurred, and that the person was wrong to do so. Accountability can be a great method for prevention, it allows a clear standard to be set to others of what is socially acceptable behaviour and shows that there will be negative consequences.
I think when people use the “good guy” excuse to protect their friends there’s probably no harm intended, what it highlights is the lack of conversation and education surrounding these problems. More awareness needs to be raised about what kind of behaviour is appropriate, how to identify these situations, and how to respond when they encounter it. If you want to learn more about these issues and how to deal with them, valuable resources to start with are the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria and the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.
Ultimately, acknowledging and holding people in your social circles responsible is just one part of a problem we have on the culture surrounding domestic and sexual offences. It’s one though that we can work on in ourselves and our social circles to help make progress towards a cultural shift. When these things happen it’s like the bystander effect, where we all stand around and hope someone else will make a stand. When allegations are dismissed or ignored, it discourages victims from speaking up. Offering even just comfort and belief can mean a lot to those who have experienced this kind of violation. Treat these situations with the seriousness they deserve, because even a “good guy” can be capable of domestic or sexual offences.
If you need support, the crisis support service is Lifeline which can be reached at 13 11 14. The National Family Violence counselling service can be contacted at 1800 737 732. The Sexual Assault Crisis Line can be reached at 1800 806 292.
